In my dream last night I drove up to my house and realized that some generous people had installed a fence and a chicken coup in my front yard, complete with chickens!
****I should mention that I have been talking a lot lately about getting chickens since I heard they eat ticks****
I was really excited and looked forward to fresh eggs too! There was straw spread all around the ground where there used to be grass and a fence separated the back yard and all the dogs were looking through and wagging their tails (we only have one in reality).
I went inside for something and when I came back out the coup door was open, the fence to the back yard was gone and the chickens were gone. I thought, oh no maybe the dogs have eaten them! I ran to the back yard and where once had been acres and acres of forest now was a smoldering apocolyptic wasteland. It had all burned down! The Dogs! I ran around looking for them and finally found a big basket full of their charred bodies. I found Haiku and started banging his burned body against the edge of the basket to knock free the charred shell and hopefully find he was ok inside but he was not. He was soft inside but still dead and he had become my old dog the Newfoundland, Titan. Dead.
I just remembered I called him Titan the other day.
I seem to remember in an earlier part of the dream I was chasing around various parrots but I don’t remember much of it.
What does it mean?
I have had a lot of dreams about chickens and farm animals, where I don’t take good enough care of them and they starve to death or I find them near death and I still can’t figure out how to take care of them well enough. I think they represent my responsibilities and when I feel things are getting out of control I have that dream. That is probably why the chickens in this dream. I notice that they were in the front yard where there were dogs in the back yard. If chickens are my responsibilities then my biggest responsibilities are my children and it perfect to have them represented as dogs. There was a separation between the front and back yards…..I think the front is where I am, North Carolina and the back yard is where my heart really is, the west coast, which is now on fire.
The burned dogs, the newfoundland inside, he was the dog I loved so much like he was my own kid, the first and I felt I failed him, didn’t do a good enough job and he died young. I used to reject the theory that pets were children surrogates for some people but now I totally buy it! And there I was of child bearing age but no children so it was natural I extended that nurturing to a dog.
I just realized as I wrote in the title of this post the relationship to the card, the dog, the black dog! What does it mean? I haven’t the slightest! IS there a connection? Maybe not really but my subconscious is going, hmmm. Maybe the whole thing just hits too close to home for me to feel comfortable.
I was trying, really hard, to portray the black wolf in a way that didn’t demonize him, seeing that there is an equal place for the black horse as well as the white horse, for our animal natures as well as our higher spiritual selves. It’s good to have an understanding of why we do the things we do and not be too judgmental of ourselves and others.
Anyway, I tried to make him have a younger face, bigger ears, bigger eyes, etc. I think that was part of the problem. Maybe I am denying that there is a demon side, a brutal not so pretty side, and I am trying to sweep it under the rug. I’ll have to take that under consideration. Gosh this is hard!
Lightning. I have seen so many references to lightning in the last few days. I know it’s that season but it’s more than that. I have to admit that when I looked at the mushy horror my final drawing of the 7 of cups had become – let me explain real quick, it was a close-up of a black wolf thigh deep in black water. I still wanted/needed the tree in the image but instead of it being behind him I placed in ON him. I made a tree symbol with 7 spiralled branches and I was going to put it, white and glowing, on his face.
It crossed my mind, way more than once, and I swallowed it immediately, and I don’t like to admit it now, the image from the Knight of Wands.
From the start I have tried to contrast the 7C knowing the content would be very similar. So while doing the fluff 7C and looking at the swirly tree I did indeed think of this and the lightning.
When I tried to post pictures of the 7C the other night a storm came up quickly and thunder and lightning flashed nearby, the lights went out and the computer sputtered, losing the stuff I had been working on and eventually refusing to reboot. I thought it was history! And my battery died and wont take a charge anymore. Before that our microwave started going wonky. It is so bad off now that the turntable constantly slowly turns, the vent light stays on no matter what and the time does not work at all. Lightning damage? Maybe. I tried to post about the 7C quite a few times and every time my computer froze up or got rebooted somehow losing the info, very frustrating!
Every time I deal with the TOWER I also deal with electricity and lightning problems. There was the greatest lightning of all many years ago now, in the worst time of my life, the dark times.
That’s when my whole life blew apart piece by piece losing the restaurant, wrecking the relationships with my family (they were already wrecked I just didn’t realize it), divorce, my dog died, I had to move to another state, ended my hopes for a music career, etc. BUT in ending that old life I was able to make a move to this life I have now which feels much more natural and perfect and where I should be, Michael, Sophie Rex and Freya, even working on this tarot. Hard but in the end it was all good!
There was a lightning though. In the middle of it all I think I was having a mental breakdown. One day my husband with whom the relationship was already strained almost to breaking, had been at the restaurant but said he needed to go home for something. There was a big storm that day and some massive lightnings that had touched off some fires in the forest. This was when I lived in Arrowhead by the way, a mile up in the mountains in the forest. He came back saying he had witnessed a large lightning striking close to our house. Later that night I found my computer had been fried. It was really meaningful to me at the time.
I went out and bought a new modem and had some repairs done to the computer and I started getting these extremely weird emails from someone who claimed to be a psychic who was channeling my dead dog! They said they had a newfoundland as well. They gave me all of these warnings, supposedly by my dead dogs spirit, that I shouldn’t talk to particular people or my dogs soul would be condemned to hell or disappear forever. I didn’t want that to happen, did I?
It freaked me out! I thought I was going insane and I started to act irrationally. I dropped a lot of weight and felt like there was a stone in my stomach. I stayed up all night and slept all day which isn’t unusual for me but I started going in to work and doing inventory, payroll, baking, etc. in the middle of the night. I found out around that time that everyone I know or counted as a friend got a letter saying it was from me with the most vile things in it.
God those were bad days!
Eventually at the end of the dark days I met Michael. Looking back it was probably the worst of times to start a relationship but in the end it all worked out for the best! At the time he lived in Washington state and I lived in Arrowhead. As we tried to consolidate, both sold off our excess stuff, packed it all into a U-haul and got together, both places experienced the worst storms they had had in a long time. Washington was under a ton of snow and ice, roads were closed and washed out, airports closed. I got stuck in an airport in Idaho. We started what we lovingly came to refer to as the trip from hell, as we made our way down the west coast and over to Arizona where we settled. Storms followed us the whole way. After we escaped Washington and finally made it down to Arrowhead we got snowed in there and after a week dug out of about 4 or 5 feet of snow, strapped the chains onto my wrecked truck (oh god this is such a long story and I am leaving out so much!) and slid across the ice outta there! Arizona was like a safe haven.
Ok, now that I have gone too far down a path I shouldn’t have! And there is a lot more down that path too but later…. My point was that when I have experienced the Tower energy in my life it came with storms and lightning and blown out electronics.
Now isn’t a tower time for me, but it is something I invoke, I think, when working on a 7. And I Think I am not adequately portraying it in the cards I have done so far, but the 7 of Wands and Swords would be the ‘light’ cards, wouldn’t they? The white spirit as opposed to the black water and earth.
Where do I go from here? What do I do?
Should I indulge in the great blasphemy of even considering, just for the briefest of moments, re-allocating the Knight of Wands as the 7 of Cups? <Argh my eyes are burning! Melting! Turning black and running down my face!>
If not, I have to come up with a good explanation of how it doesn’t have all of the qualities of that image. And I have to explain how I could confuse the two, and see if not he, then who, is the Knight of Wands? What have they to do with each other?
With that I will leave you to your 4th of July festivities if you are in the US! Happy 4th!