I had a dream last night that I was driving along the coast of someplace I don’t remember, and there was a big storm coming in. The waves were huge and there were surfers riding them and wiping out. We stayed at a hotel with a view of the water and I saw all kinds of people go out and go swimming and the waves were crashing them against a rock retaining wall and all of these kids, even though they were laughing and having fun, were all bloody from hitting the rocks.
I don’t think I would usually know what that meant, but a few minutes ago Rex asked me, “Do we have zero money?” Because I told him we didn’t have extra money for something or other last time we went grocery shopping, and I told him, “Well, not exactly, money is like waves on the beach, it comes in to shore and then it moves out again”. Then I realized the meaning of the dream.
Ha! I don’t think I would have ever consciously connected those things!
And yes, that is exactly what is going on, microcosmically to my family and macrocosmically, to the country. And we are staying temporarily someplace with a view of what is going on, hopefully a safe view. It sort of confirms what I have thought, that even though I don’t feel like this is ‘home’ I feel like it is a safe place for us to ride out this storm. God, I love dream symbolism, it is so brilliant and simple and awesome.
Yesterday I took my first dose of Buspar that the dr. prescribed last Thursday. I always worry but it wasn’t too bad, felt like I had drank a few beers and then later felt like I had a small hangover. I can deal with that if it makes the damn anxiety go away. I haven’t heard the results of any of the tests yet. The Doctor really annoyed me. Michael and I went together since he needed some tests too because he has developed high blood pressure (check it out, we are getting old together!!). The Dr. was all nice and smiles and chit chat with Michael but with me he acted like I was just a silly hypochondriac. I told him, I feel like this is really because of something physically wrong which affects me psychologically as well and he seemed to begrudgingly agree to test me for physical causes.
I guess if they all come out negative I will just have to accept that it is just some mysterious imbalance and nothing more. Though I must say when my heart was beating out of control and my blood pressure kept dropping at the hospital they didn’t think it was just in my head, bah .
Tonight is office night, yay! I’m still working on the sketch for the 8 of Disks. I am trying to do them as a set, though. Will see how that goes. I am just feeling so good about the 8s and really excited about the future, I just know interesting things are going to come of it and can’t wait to see what they are.
That reminds me, I read something so interesting about divination recently, from a literature course of all places. It said that telling the future is not just pulled out of nowhere, everything that is going to happen in the future is in response to what has happened or is happening now. To me that was a beautiful way to connect the past and the future in that infinite 8. A little live by the sword, die by the sword, but the way it was worded really struck me. And it pointed out that people sought out divination, in myths and stories anyway which is what this article was about, because people truley feel stuck sometimes and incapable of knowing which way to proceed. The act of divination gives them a way to move forward.
Some random thoughts this gorgeous October Monday.