I’ve been mostly offline for a few days. My connection has been getting increasingly bad for a while now, I have to wait for web pages to open and then most the time I’m not even connected. It’s so frustrating! The last few days there has been no connection at all. Well, I’m on a wireless network here and after complaining to Michael and proving it wasn’t my computer last night, he pulled out the receiver to go check it out and almost immediately I connected and now its working great! Ha! Stupid wireless thingy.
Anyway I have just been in a foul mood, don’t know why, just feeling totally stressed, paranoid, kind of depressed in that physical kind of way, hopeless – but for no particular reason, which makes it all the more annoying. Yesterday morning Michael tells me he had this disturbing dream about a black flame and wanted to discuss what it meant which we did at length. Then later in the day we got a call from his mom telling him her house had burnt down the night before! Luckily no one was hurt but how horrible!
We also got a new kitten (I guess I am just updating you with all the news from the last few days). I was just recently thinking that a household is never truly complete without a resident black cat, and now we have one. This is how it went down. I had had a dream a few nights ago about a new kitten. In my dream Sophie wanted a new kitten and so I got her one except in the dream the kitten was a medium haired orange tabby and I had to trade her for our older cat mischief, which I never would do in real life. I told Sophie about this, maybe a mistake to do it because she got all worked up about it and we spent the day searching the ads from rescue orgs for an orange tabby kitten.
Well, we went shopping the other night kinda late and as we were walking out of the store there were few cars and outside one of them was someone giving away kittens. Needless to say we ended up taking one of them home, a fluffy little black ball of fur that Sophie picked out. How is that for a self fulfilling prophesy? The only slightly strange thing is I never see people giving away kittens, never! And I look! it was like we felt it coming though. And I have been thinking a lot about cats lately, issues with our older cats which I haven’t talked about because frankly it gets boring reading about other peoples pets. But, the state of my pets often resemble my paintings,so….
I’ll try to summarize as much as possible; when we moved here from CA we had 2 cats which had both pretty much gone insane. All was well until we had Rex and the cats, who were strictly indoor cats, were insanely jealous of him – one cat got vicious and the other just peed on all his baby things at every opportunity. When we moved they really went crazy, the one bit Michael so bad he had an infection traveling up his arm and had to go daily for injections of cipro. We finally decided they could not be indoor cats anymore after all attempts to fix the problems failed. So they went outside. Amazingly they were so happy! And over time they began to act like normal cats and were let in and out at will but preferred to do cat things outside most of the time.
Sadly one cat disappeared about a year ago, we have no idea what happened to her. Yes, it wouldn’t have happened if we kept them in but I totally learned and have been thinking about a lot while working on the 8s, that they needed the balance, they needed to be cats. Overprotecting them made them neurotic and having a balanced life has made them well and happy again. Even if the one cat died at least she had some time that was truly happy (even if the little critters who live in our yard had a decidedly reduced quality and quantity of life). I hate being trapped in the house too and I am not imprisoned like they were. BTW not passing judgment on anyone with indoor cats or saying that isn’t a better situation for anyone, but fr me I had a lesson to learn from this all.
Sophie named her Starlight. Now we have 2 cats again, just like in the painting. I have decided that struggle is good and healthy,and I have seen that I am not just one symbol on the wheel but all of them, both the up and down parts. It’s supposed to be that way in a healthy system!
Anyway, last night I was doing some reading on the Sepher Yetzirah again, and started going over some stuff and late last night and again this morning I was thinking what the heck am I doing, doing this again? Basically wasting my time associating two systems which I know fit, because everything fits but then I figured out something different that has more relevance to me which not only fits but fits in a perfect, uncanny way and now I know I need to do more work on it, some of it just because I hate to rely on translations. I have been learning about the Hebrew alphabet more and more lately but will always consider myself weak in it and probably far less informed than your average Jewish grade school child, but what the heck? I find it an endlessly fascinating link to the past, an insight into our minds from a simpler time.
Did you notice that yesterdays date, 1/1/2009…..if you convert the year into a tarot number its 2+9=11, so 1/1/11. Yes, I think this is going to be a year in which I need Strength.
Also, on my birthday I will be moving into a 21 year, YES! Come to mama!
Getting back to reality here, part of my problem is that the house looks like a bomb went off in it and I can’t concentrate on art with a messy house! Once I get that caught up I can get to work with a clear conscience.