8 of Cups XIII

This is how it went last night.  It started out great, the colors looked…interesting….But, I had a plan which included lots of fiery reds and they were supposed to sparkle against the green undertones.  Did that happen?  Hell no.  For some reason the only color I could see when I sat down to do it was tawnys and browns, I just could not use a strong red.  What is yellow+green?  Blech.  I don’t know, I haven’t decided if I like it or not.  By the end of the night my eyes were so bugged out I couldn’t even focus on it anymore, so it will sit today and I Will get back on it tonight or tomorrow and see if 1.  I like it and will complete it.  2.  I hate it, will trash it and start over.  3.  I don’t care for it but it is salvageable.

To make matters more complicated this scanner of mine refused to get a good scan of it, that’s why you don’t see one above.  It’s like it tries to color correct it and even the colors out and it loses all the contrast and subtlety.  I’ve noticed it with other paintings but it was extreme with this one, unusable.  I have all the color correcting off and still, horrible.  It also seems like the light from the scanner is bypassing the top layers of color, so the color that looks solid in the original just looks like a light film in the scan.  I’m not sure what to do about it. 

Another thing that happened was that my little child in the image that was supposed to look innocent and happy just twisted into looking downright anxious and sad.  Why?>  I dunno!  And I have to ask myself, should I sometimes let the card evolve as it wants to?  Should I let it look like that or should I fight it and make it be happy, dammit!

It is certainly reflecting my state of mind.  I was able to weasel my way out of going to the dentist yesterday – I don’t know why I did it, I’m only hurting myself, and boy am I hurting myself, ouch!  So, I’m going in about 2 hours here and then everything should be ok.   But, last night, and now, I am a bundle of nerves, anxiety, etc.  Not sad though. 

Well, I’ll go today without seeing it so I can see it with fresh eyes tonight and make some sort of determination.  The scanning problem will be secondary and I’ll worry about that later.  The underpainting was a fun experiment but not successful I would have to say.  Considering the way I work, changing my mind at the last minute oftentimes, maybe I am safer with neutral colors.  I don’t want to be safe, but I don’t want ugly paintings either!


I might just toss it and start over.  I hate doing it, but I have to think it’s no worse than turning the clock back a few weeks.  Maybe not even that.  Yeah, I might do that.   

You don’t know unless you try!  Maybe I’ll be back to myself by tonight and I won’t project my emotions on to my painting.

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