9 of Wands sketch 2

9wandssketch2

This is last nights work. It doesn’t seem like much for a couple hours does it?   I totally lose myself though.  Lately I get so lost that any noise that snaps me back into reality scares the crap out of me.    Last night Michael decided to warn me that he was entering the room by making a mannish shriek and I happened to be sipping coffee and whoosh all over the place it went!  First thing I did was check the drawing, phew it was ok.  Truthfully, it would have to be near destroyed to stop me from using it.  How much can a few coffee spots hurt?  Chaos is GOOD! I’ve probably mentioned this before and I will again, I used to have this great art teacher who taught illustration, he liked to tell a story how he would run out of a particular shade of brown so he would just load up his airbrush with coffee and spray away!    

Anyway….I have noticed that since I have been working on this painting I have been having this curious and unpleasant feeling.  Its not sadness or depression, its like an ache, like a deep black hole, like my soul is missing something.   I’ve had that feeling before, years ago, but my delving into metaphysics seemed to have resolved it.

I realized what it was this morning.  Speaking of lightning.  It is like lightning when the earth and the thundercloud send little tendrils out toward each other and when they connect, the earth and cloud, a bolt is slammed between them.  I think, or feel like, that empty hole feeling is a part of my soul stretching out toward something, or something toward me, perhaps my destiny, which, when connected and followed I will be riding the lightning.

It’s Joseph Campbell’s call to adventure!   Spirit reaching for body, eternity reaching through time, I don’t know, something like that.   

This whole train of thought I have been on also has me thinking about the place of responsibility.  How do our responsibilities to other people and even to our selves fit into this?  I think that like in almost all other things I am in the middle on that – I think they should be moderated and balanced.  Some people go whole-hog on their creative pursuits rolling over those they are responsible for and to, like a juggernaut, and perhaps achieve wild success, on one hand, but damage their humanity on the other hand.   I suppose narcissism is the potential illness of this card.

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4 Responses to 9 of Wands sketch 2

  1. Ian says:

    Narcissism as in nothing else matters, but me? (*not* a rethorical question)

    Artistically speaking, WOW! I love the texture, it’s so rich, so vivid. I really hope you can keep it after painting it.

    And, this time, you’re not depicting me as usual but giving me a task, instead: to call God’s Lightning upon me. Yeah I need the Shock.

    Love,
    Ian

  2. Tarotsmith says:

    *Narcissism as in nothing else matters, but me? *

    Yep. Pursuing all of your desires no matter how they affect or hurt other people.
    I think that’s how “Do what thou wilt” is often interpreted. It certainly is in that movie I just saw. But then, maybe that is one of the gods that appears to be a devil.

    *Artistically speaking, WOW! I love the texture, it’s so rich, so vivid. I really hope you can keep it after painting it.*

    Thanks! And, No! Don’t join me in that anxiety LOL! I’ve been thinking about making sure I take high resolution scans of all the sketches and maybe one day I’ll make a deck just from the sketches, for fun. Sometimes I like the sketches better than the paintings.

    *And, this time, you’re not depicting me as usual but giving me a task, instead: to call God’s Lightning upon me. Yeah I need the Shock.*

    You got a break and now you are going to call it down upon yourself? Be prepared…

    🙂
    Marie

    • Ian says:

      When have I gotten a break? Or maybe I’m misundertstanding you?

      Really, I need to focus. I’m drifting, diluted, uncapable to do but following my inertial patterns. And my guts (because this doesn’t come from my heart… I hope) are triggering emotional responses I thought were well buried.

      So, I need to focus (and Lightning has other meanings to me), I need to shine and move on, think clearly and be what I’m meant to (shouldn’t it be what _I_ mean?). I need to wake up.

      And of course, I won’t keep all that stored within me (which is part of the point, channelling all that into things, into something else).

      Have I done what I willed? I don’t know.

      I’m not sure I’m ready for the Lightning but I’ll prepare myself and hope for the best.

      (you got e-mail)

      Love,
      Ian

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