I know I mentioned a while back how I was totally into Bruce Dickinson music. I had been thinking to myself, all of the senses are here, in tarot, for me, the only thing that was glaringly missing was music. Music I had given up on when I failed in my personal pursuit of it.
(You know, I really don’t deal with failure well, do I?)
Not long after I decided I needed music again I was listening through my stuff and found a song by Bruce Dickinson that was clearly about tarot, and then upon further examination that his music over the last 10 years or so was totally about the things I am interested in and working on. Well, nothing unusual, everyone finds music they identify with, don’t they?
What I did want to report on, though, was that I had this theory that if you re-created a set of stimuli when doing work where you needed to access the subconscious, it would create a link and make it easier and faster. There were other things I had tried, but music was finally the thing that really worked for me. Every time I go to work on this tarot deck I turn on this music now.
At first I had a hard time settling down, my mind would be racing and I would fiddle with all kinds of stuff, I’m sure you know how it is. Now, after working on this for awhile, I turn on the music and maybe halfway through the first song I am THERE. I am thinking about this this morning because I had a few minutes to kill before the kids woke up and I wanted to clarify some of the lyrics I couldn’t understand, looked them up and simply the act of reading the lyrics put me THERE. I started seeing the 9 of Cups very clearly.
It is ritual.
I clearly react strongly to music, probably why I have always loved music so much and I am so happy that I found this, I feel like it is the musical counterpart to what I am doing, a tentacle of the kraken. The savage beast that is calmed is us.
Ever since I had that dream with the man with the raven and me with the hawk voice, when I transition into sleep I see myself becoming a hawk and taking off into the sky. It’s so fast though! I just want to fly around the local forests but before I know it I am already over the trees and then over the beach and crossing the ocean going who knows where.
It occurs to me now that maybe in the dream the man in black was, along with his raven, calling me to something. Was I being an overly defensive pain in the ass? (no. I’m no-body’s pawn.) Maybe I should stop fighting, stop trying to stay home, and see where it takes me. Since it is over the ocean it could be, well, somewhere across the ocean, or it could be somewhere deep within me beyond my own ocean. Or both. It’s not death for me I feel, though maybe someone who has crossed into death is calling. Since I have been working on the 9 of Cups I have been far more comfortable with the idea of a life beyond death.
So yesterday Freya was out playing on the swing set and when she came in she handed me a feather she said was on the slide. I am pretty sure it is a hawk feather. It is rusty red on one end with a black stripe down the middle and white on one edge. It could be another bird, I’m not a expert, but the only bird I have seen there with those colors is the hawk.
I don’t think I mentioned it…..I keep doing these posts halfway then don’t have time to finish them so don’t post them! So much has been happening but no time to report it! Anyway, I was leaving the garage door after having worked on the 9 of Wands in the office when a movement in the backyard caught my eye. It was a large red tailed hawk with his wings spread over something on the ground right next to our swing set! It saw me and flew up into the tree and watched for a few minutes then flew off. I went and checked the area for evidence of a squirrel kill or any dropped feathers but there was nothing. I have been a bit worried about my little Starlight the black kitten who is about 3/4 grown now. She loves to hang out over there…
Now I have this probable hawk feather. I had this idea, or it has been growing, that from the POV of the Hermit a wand does not direct energy out, it pulls it in. And it must be black as black absorbs. There was a big branch that fell on the fence and as I pulled it off I ripped off a small side branch and it was so perfect in the hand I knew it was the wand. I plan on painting it black, attaching the hawk feather and some other nice rocks I’ve found lately and there you go, I’ll have my wand. It’s all been coming together.
Where am I on the 9 of Cups? Well, I worked , really worked, on the sketch for the first time on Friday and I have just been mulling over it since then. I wanted to do an animal nearly taking up the whole window and I have had a pretty clear image of it in my mind. There was background that was peeking through and I wanted to detail that first so I got it right. I am putting, and I wonder if anyone could guess the animal by the background, 2 obelisks, black and white of course, a stairway and a checkered floor. I found myself mapping the whole thing out, the perspectives, and all of these things just fit perfectly. When I finished it I thought, hmmm, now I don’t want to cover it up! But I must! Thinking about it now I should probably balance it with the baphomet in the 9 of Disks and I think the tiger takes up a similar amount of space in the 9W. Maybe taking up the whole card is way too much.
Tonight I go back and hopefully I will resolve that issue and get a good amount of work done on the animal. Sorry I am not saying but I feel….superstitious somehow about revealing it too soon.
I have so much to say about it I don’t think I can ever get to it all! I can say that it did not hesitate at all to start kicking my ass on a relationship level! I wasn’t even thinking about that as an aspect of the 9C but then I just had to sigh and say, oh yeah, there is THAT aspect. Not fun let me tell you. It’s been like a big explosion from all this baggage from our past. I don’t think its anything too profound, probably to be expected when you have been with someone for any length of time, shit happens, things are said, feelings are hurt and kept inside. Luckily (that I know of) we haven’t done any of the major things to each other, no cheating, no drugs, gambling, you know, no major stuff like that.
All of these things have come up from the depths and out into the light to be debated and reconciled. It’s been a bit of a war zone. I think we will pull through and be better off though. One of the big things I ask myself is, did I provoke it? Did I, knowing I was going to be working on this card, do something to make this happen? Coincidence, syncronicity, there is no way to ever prove or disprove, all there is is ones perception. I, lately, see everything as this mass of layers, on one extreme is a purely atheistic mundane reality and on the other end is purely spiritual and there is all kinds of phenomenon in the middle. They are all concurrently real to me now and they all affect and reflect each other.
I do think the 9 of Cups is a form of Death. Duh, that man in black was probably a precurser to working on this card. Is the hawk my personal chariot, psychopomp into death?
It occurs to me that the 9 of Cups is a grave. And that grave is the mother of the afterlife, your mother into eternity.
The overwhelming feeling I get from this card is that Knowledge comes after death. First death, then knowledge.
Don’t assume that it means physical death, though I think the highest expression a human being can imagine or comprehend is a physical death, it really needs a context. I remember now why I thought I should put columns in all the 9s, because they were all doorways to a transformation, a transformation of the self where the different aspects of the self are merged and a new self is born, something totally different. It could be inside, an enlightenment , risen kundalini sort of thing, or it can be the end of physical life. I have wondered if a human is capable of a transformation just as profound as any butterfly or frog, only it isn’t obvious from the outside.
Every one of the 9s will be a doorway, and each has some sort of flame at the top of the card. The 9 of Swords will be a development of that flame, the reason why it is last (last!) and it will be ‘eternity’. Just thinking about it gives me tingles.
I think I have chatted enough for today. I so look forward to working on the 9 of Cups tonight!